Rage

I am full of so much rage.

As I sit here, I think of everything about religion that infuriates me. I think of the hypocrisy that is blatantly displayed in the public eye. I think of the bondage that the institutionalized hierarchy of Catholicism and Protestantism burdens people. Christianity is supposed to be a belief of freedom. What do we have in America, the so-called land of the free? WE ARE SLAVES.

That's right, we are slaves. Slaves to the religious dogma of accepted hypocrisy and false doctrines. Proof-texting, for example, is one of the biggest corrupters of biblical interpretation. Do you honestly think you can just read a verse and think it's ok to make it say what you want? Bringing African slaves to America was justified using proof-texted Scripture. Wars have been started based off biblical interpretations. No wonder why the world thinks religious belief is so dangerous. Sometimes I agree. Sometimes you have the wrong people believing in religion like fundamentalists and that's when things go to hell. Sure we're all sinners and our lives are corrupted by sin, but honestly, if you're a Christian, you're not ignorant of it. You know if you're teaching false doctrines or not and I condemn you for it.

I am so fed up with Christianity as a religion of liars. I am fed up with the bland structure of unbiblical traditions you find in Catholic churches for example. Church history is laced with sin and corruption, greed, genocide and hypocrisy. I am ashamed of what modern Christianity is. I hate denominations. I hate that we have such division in the ekklesia (church). We are supposed to be one body in Christ and right now, we are nothing but scarred body parts skewered across the land. I blame Catholicism and Protestantism for most of this. We are so worried about how we look to people, how we dress, how we talk, etc. that we forget to just be ourselves. Jesus says come as you are. Instead, we come like used car salesmen building ourselves up. Building up for what? Utter failure. Eat a slice of humble pie, you charlatan.

Now, I may be coming across as harsh and I'm sure some of you (if anyone even reads this stupid thing) will disagree with me. But you know what? I don't give a damn. These are my thoughts and my feelings. I have hate for the stupidity and ignorance that plagues American Christianity. Religion is useless. You want to burdened with legalism and guilt, then religion is perfect for you. I want my freedom, thank you.

Catholicism is an idolators religion. Since when did it become ok to pray to so-called saints, like they have any kind of heavenly power? When did it become ok to ask Mary for anything? Is she greater than God? Did any of you forget the commandment, no other gods before me? Obviously you must have because this practice is still prevelant. When did it become acceptable to elect someone like the Pope and pretty much hail him as a second Christ? He is nothing but a sacred golden calf in human flesh. Good job at repeating history, you fools. Your church hierarchy is despicable. The priesthood is a farce because if you are a follower of Jesus, you are already a priest and therefore are commissioned to minister to everyone. You don't need to be ordained to do that. You don't need to have this false authority bestowed on you. It just breeds arrogance and pride, which was the downfall of Satan. Don't let yourself be lumped into that company. All these rituals and traditions are useless and are just human creations. Isn't that what the Pharisees were doing to earn their favor with God? Once again, history is repeating itself in the Christian church. "Beware of the religious leaders".

I am sick of the guilt that Christians spew on people. All this talk about how sinful everyone is, while neglecting to talk about grace and forgiveness. All this preaching on Hell and how everyone who doesn't agree with you is heading there is exactly what is wrong with Christianity. Don't be surprised to find yourself burning in Hell for your hypocrisy. Also, since when did Christianity become a haven for conservative politics? It is not our problem to involve ourselves in everything. In fact, I would rather Christians stay out of politics. If it meant idiots like Sarah Palin were out of the public eye, then thank God. Conservative, fundamentalist right-wing Christian politics are vomit-inducing.

Are we not allowed to think for ourselves? Are we not allowed to wrestle with doubts and questions and anger? You are witnessing the boiling point of my rage. You are witnessing my question: WHY, LORD, DO YOU ALLOW THIS?

You all make me sick.

The Chief of Sinners

1 Timothy 1:15-16, "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of who I AM THE WORST (Emphasis mine). But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, THE WORST OF SINNERS (Emphasis mine) Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life."

Paul is wrong.

I AM the worst of sinners. As a human being, I am plagued with this innate sense of wrongdoing and sinfulness. I can't escape it. It's a part of my every day process. Why can't I just live the way God wants me to? Why can't I abide in his mercy and stay there? Why must I continue to do the same stupid things that hinder my relationship with God and the way I feel about myself? What will it take to get me on the right path?

Well, I obviously cannot do anything on my own and I'm done thinking I can even try. Without God, I am NOTHING. Sure, I can beat myself up consistently but even that doesn't work. Sure, I can make empty promises to Jesus knowing full well that promises are meant to be broken, intentionally or not. I can only see myself through God's eyes and realize that I am not my own. There is a nice saying; "Not I but Christ in me". You know, I wish that saying was true for me. I don't feel very Christ-like when I let my lusts overwhelm me or let my mouth explode like a loose cannon. I want Jesus to look down on me and see Himself reflected through my life, not the sinful, prideful, lustful, fool that I must acknowledge I am before any real progress is made.

I am not the kind of person for blind submission to anything but at this point, all I can do is throw myself at the Lord's mercy and hope that he'll forgive me and let me move on with my life. He knows that I'm going to screw up. That can include looking at things I shouldn't be looking at or flipping off someone on the highway or cussing up a storm at work. This isn't being salt of the earth or a beacon for the lost. I am a terrible representative of Christ.

Maybe this is why grace exists.